I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
