i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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