I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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