I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
