It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
