billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
