If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
