FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
