Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
