talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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