I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want you more than these girls want KFC
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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