I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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