i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
