let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
