Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
