Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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