Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
