I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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