goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
