We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
