is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
