At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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