An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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