you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
