Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
