So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
