She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
