btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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