My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
