Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
