i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Semen is not good for contacts.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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