Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
