we're blogging at a bar
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
