so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
