just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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