Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
