I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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