Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
