He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
