I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
