it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
