Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
