Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
