my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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