u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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