Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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