I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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