put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
