We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
