My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
