it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
