don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
