i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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