If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
