apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
