Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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