the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
