So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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