turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
