someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
