No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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