the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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