if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
