I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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