I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
