It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
