You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so let's talk penis.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
