i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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