im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
